Mad as Hell
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Red-alert ready Don't get hooked Who's a hot head? Get it off your chest Five steps to serenity How do you channel your anger? << back to Work/Life Balance << back to ANF Women's Forum |
Get it off your chest Here’s the $64,000 question in anger research: are men angrier than women, or vice versa? Turns out it’s a draw. In a recent study, volunteers using a driving simulator did their best to navigate a packed freeway during rush hour. The female participants expressed just as much road rage as the men, says Colorado State University psychologist Jerry Deffenbacher, who headed the study. OK, so you feel just as angry as the guy at the desk next to you would when your slacker colleague causes you to miss a deadline. But there is one big difference – namely, what others will think if you take out your own frustrations by dressing him down for his laziness. These days, men and women both occupy the corner office, but we’re all socially programmed to consider his raised voice a sign of power, and hers a symptom of PMS. “When a woman expresses anger on the job, she becomes the drama queen,” says Angie Morgan, co-author of Leading From the Front ($39.95, McGraw Hill Publishers). “When a man expresses anger, he’s seen as passionate about his work. It’s not fair, but it’s life.” Which means, says Morgan, think before you act – or overreact. “Composure counts. When you shed too many emotions, it gives the perception that you’re out of control.” So, the next time you’re about to press “send” on a pissy email, “take a moment to step back, analyse the situation, then figure out the best solution.” I remember this advice a few days later. A magazine photographer has shown up 30 minutes late to the shop where we’re supposed to be interviewing shoppers for a “what’s in your trolley?” story. I definitely deserve an apology. None is forthcoming. I toss out a few passive-aggressive comments like, “There were so many more people in the store 10 minutes ago”. Then I realise, more than wanting to hear “I’m sorry” from this woman, I just want to get the job done in time to make my 5pm pilates class. So I opt for a more productive strategy. “Hey,” I say, “that cute couple in the frozen-food aisle is perfect!” That said, I don’t let it go when an estate agent acquaintance sells a house based on an introduction I made and doesn’t offer his referral fee. I calculate what he’s earned in commission and fume for days. “If you think you deserve something, say so,” Morgan tells me when we speak. So I send the estate agent an email. Less than two hours later he’s handing over a cheque that’s twice the amount of the standard referral fee, and I head out to the shoe section at Myer. Well-managed anger, I’ve found, can mean a life with less stress… and more shoes.  Face Off What do you see? An irate woman and an annoyed man? Those were the conclusions of a group of college students who viewed the drawings in a 2004 study. But look more closely. The faces are identical. So why did the students – and maybe you, too – rate the woman as wrathful, but her male counterpart as merely grumpy? Psychologists say viewers exaggerate the woman’s expression because people generally expect women to smile and be agreeable. “Once we see anger in women,” says lead researcher Dr Ursula Hess of the University of Quebec at Montreal. “we tend to overrate its importance.” |